Katie

I haven't died.
I am still alive.
I have this amazing boyfriend named Brandon (:
We've been dating since February 1 (:
Going to his friend's birthday party tomorrow.
I'll try to update more...
I just would feel more motivated if people commented me on here D=

love you all still <3

p.s. here's pics.



Brandon at my house <3

me and brandon messing around XD

Happy Thanksgiving :]

To be quite honest, I'm not really good at blogging because I hardly ever have much to say and when I do it's too much. It's novel that nobody reads. I'll post in this when something happens, but if anyone wants to add my myspace:

www.myspace.com/x3kkaattiieex3

leave me a comment on this letting me know you're about to add me
or just leave a message with your friend request saying you're from livejournal please
:] (so i know to add you)

Oh wow.
It's been a while.
I haven't forgotten, just been waiting for something good to happen.
My ex and I are friends again.
Like, best friends sort of.
It's weird, because none of my exes ever even wanted to be friends with me.
I guess it's also awkward because I still really like him
and he still really likes me...
but he has a girlfriend.
We don't flirt or anything really, its just we both know.
So it's...unexplainable. I don't know. He's a really good friend though.

I've taken up meditation.
It works.
It really does.
I am so much calmer now about everything.
It's so great to just sit down, close your eyes, and breathe.
Because at that moment in time the world doesn't really matter.
Your past isn't hurting you.
Your future isn't a worry.
You can't mess up.
You're not being judged.
Nothing can hurt you.
Because nothing is happening.
It's really great.
Try it :]

I am happy.
I know all I post are the sad things, but I just need to vent. So here's my happy post.
I've had relationship/trust issues for a long time. Ever since I dated my second boyfriend, who cheated on me. Well a few days ago a woman from the Domestic Abuse center or something came into my relationships class I take in school and talked to us. She handed a hand out to each of us and went over the different types of abuse. My friend kept looking at me during it...and I realized that that guy was extremely abusive. Not phhysically so much but "unwanted touching, accusations, put downs, name calling, etc" there was like 20 things on there that applied I don't have the list with me. Well anyways, after finding out that, I was upset. But I didn't tell anyone except my friend who already had it figured out. But after a while, I realized that now that I know WHY I've been having trust issues and everything and it wasn't just cause he cheated on me, it was also cause he treated me a certain way, it is easier to trust guys now.

Anyways so I'm happy.

I'm in a photography class too and I was wondering, is it safe for me to post my photography on here or should I add a watermark so it doesn't get stolen? I'm not sure if this is really a site full of people wanting to steal other's work or not. I've seen a ton of amazing photography posted without watermarks though so just let me know and I'll post it for you guys. Thanks (:

Oh, also, how do you do an LJ cut?

They found out my grandpa does have bone cancer. The prostate spread. We found out today. They needed to take 12 samples of the cancer for testing or something, but could only take 4 because he was so weak and in so much pain while they took the samples. It hurts hearing this. It hurts that one day it seems better and the next it's worse. What hurts most is when me and my grandma got back from her picking me up from school today, he SWORE some people came in the house, shook him, and told him he was dying and they were going to operate now. None of this is true. He has altheizmers too (spelling?) so this is REALLY messing with his mind. He obviously dreamt it, but he swears it was real. This hurts. I don't want him to think he's dying. He's only 65 years old.

I don't know if any of you believe in God or anything...but could you pray for him please?

I really thought it was going to be okay.
It could still be okay. But it's going to be harder now.
It was only supposed to be prostate cancer...the easiest to cure.
My grandpa went to the doctors today and they found the cancer spread.
It's in his bones now...
This...isn't good.
I feel so hopeless and miserable.
I can't even explain to you guys how bad my eyes are burning.

extremely hopeless.

Because my grandma takes mirror pics with me for myspace hahahaha
yeah this is really poor quality and blurry.
sorry.
i just found it from over the summer and i thought id share cause i think its great :P
 

Well, I found out last night that the doctors think my grandpa might have prostate cancer...I've been so upset...I know it's the most treatable form, I know if they catch it early enough it's going to be okay. But it's scary. He already has to deal with having Alstheimers (sp?) it's just really not fair. Not to mention, this came out of nowhere. He went to the doctors to get the prostate examination that men have to get and they found he does have an enlarged prostate so he had to come back to the doctor's Friday but when he got to the doctor's office he was shaking really bad and weak...that's when he went to the Emergeny Room and all this happened. But he did come home today. About half an hour ago grandma came home and grandpa was in the car. So that's a good sign I'm guessing? But he has to go back in 2 weeks to see the test results and find out if he does have cancer...

No I don't hate you
don't wanna fight you.
Know I'll always love you
but right now I just don't like you.


I'm a little stressed out. I have homework in Dual Enrollment English, Honors Pre Calc, Anatomy&Physiology, and it's really hard. hah. Well along with that my grandpa is in the hospital. I don't know much about it. I just know he had the prostate thing...you know awkward yeah. Well he went to see the doctor to see how he's doing or something and he was shaking really bad and really nervous so the doctor made him go to the E.R. and this was Friday. Well they've been running tests and keeping him over night every night. There's something wrong with his kidneys. But they don't know what. He was supposed to be able to go home today but they waited for the doctor to come who was supposed to come at noon but my grandma finally came home around 7 cause she got sick of waiting. And on top of all that I'm trying to handle not being mad at my friend. See there's this guy that I've liked ever since I met him around this time last year. I never said anything or did anything about it cause I was real good friends with his sister. But after she graduated last year I started to really like him. He liked my friend though a lot...and she likes my best friend...not him. Well he saw her more over summer than he did me (though he admitted to my best friend he liked her AND me) obviously since they saw each other more he liked her more...so he asked her out at the end of summer. And everyone was kind of shocked when she said yes...because she well everyone knew she didn't like him. And she asked one of my friends after they were dating for a week if I was going to be alright with her dating him (which means she knew I liked him...and honestly...besides him...who DIDN'T know that I liked him?) well she broke up with him last night before my best friend's party and her reason? "I feel bad because I don't really like you that much" So he was at the party, and her, and me. And he was depressed the whole time. I mean, this boy was in tears at one point. And this just makes me mad because she knew I liked him...and she didn't like him back...but she went out with him anyways...ruining my chance with him. Cause I did have a chance with him...but now even though they're broken up...he's really hung up on this...I can tell he's not going to get over this soon...and this just makes me so mad at her...

*sigh* okay the venting is done.

You wake up to a window with midnight blue sky
 & dew drops across the glass
& a streetlight shining through it all

how can you not be content the rest of the day?

Stress is supposed to come to you when every thing's going wrong, right?
So why is it that for once I feel completely content, but if any small threat comes I get stressed?
Well I finally got over this guy who played me, and my grades are really well.
I'm in a college level english class which I will receive 6 hours of free college credit for taking, and a month and 10 assignments into this course I have maintained a 4.0 average in it. I'm really proud of myself. But here's the thing...

Ohio caught the tail end of Hurricane Ike Sunday night, and the wind was amazing. But it knocked out 75% of people's power. So I've been staying at my grandmother's. I'm used to being here I mean I come here every week day after school (I have a phobia of being home alone...it's weird, I know). Well anyways my grandpa has althzeimer's (I don't know how to spell that and the correct spelling doesn't appear on spell check). So my grandma and him fight constantly and it's like constant tension, I'm used to it but not 24/7. He also seems to think that I'm 5 years old and our suburban neighborhood is one of the top 10 most dangerous cities in America. I'm sitting here all day working on my english paper and around 9 he's getting ready to go to bed and starts closing all the windows and telling grandma he's gonna lock the door because "Katie's out here all by herself" hah, okay, I see about 3 people walk by by day, I'm 17 years old, and I go to school with worse people than live even near your street. I don't know, its just the constant bickering when I'm trying to get a paper done that just makes me stress out like crazy.

Well anyways I think I have school tomorrow, which is disappointing to say the least. Oh well.

Comment me, I love meeting new people.
Otherwise I'm just talking to myself in this journal haha.